they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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