glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
