JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have already put on my inside pants.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
