their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
