Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
