So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
