I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
