We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
