Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
