question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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