I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
