so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
