I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
