And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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