I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
found the other keg... it's in the tree
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
