Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
