Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize