It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
