pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
