I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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