Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
