I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize