I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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