i think my tv is drunk
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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