Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just had sex on a roof
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
