I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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