finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
