I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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