Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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