I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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