You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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