Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
