in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
party gras won. party gras always wins.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
