I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wish i was in the wii world.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
