Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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