dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
