Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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