if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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