everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
