What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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