Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
