The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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