This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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