So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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