My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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