Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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