How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
