i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize