I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize