He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
