I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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