it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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