Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
