you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
