It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
