there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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