I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
