When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
