Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
