nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
