Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
