Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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