Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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