can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
