So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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