my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
