you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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