it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
