I hate all girls vehemently.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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