I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
