I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
