walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
