Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
