Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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