I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
