? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
