He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
